We all have things we struggle with. If you’re up to date with all of my posts, you’ll be well aware of my biggest “struggle”. If not, click here.
They say (who are ‘they’ by the way, anyone know?) that struggle is part of the story. The things that we fight with in our lives make us who we are and shape us into who we are supposed to be.
Recently, I was sent a link to an article about people who are highly sensitive and the traits, habits and characteristics that people like this may have. There were 23 of them. I could confidently tick 21. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve always been told I’m “too sensitive”. Growing up, I thought there was something wrong with that, but now, I’m not so sure. This article got me thinking about the different things that I struggle with. By struggle I don’t mean suffer from or fight over, just things that internally, get to me. Things I grapple with from time to time and find difficult to get past.
Change is meant to be embraced, welcomed, encouraged. I HATE change. Changes in routine, in plans, in rules, in relationships, everything. It panics me. It unsettles me. It worries me. It overwhelms me. I don’t like the unknown. I’m a planner and prefer to know what is around the corner and what to expect. The struggle is all the more hateful because of course, change is inevitable. I hate that too. I also hate being told that change is a good thing. I know it can be but I’m never comfortable with it.
I am the kind of person who is always on time or early. I can’t stand being late and if I’m running late, and therefore rushing, I get all flustered and I feel like whatever I’m doing isn’t done to the best of my ability. If I’m given a deadline for a project or task, you can be sure it will be planned to the last detail, started straight away and completed ahead of schedule. That’s just the way I work. If I’m given a task and am only granted a short period in which to do it, I freak out. I will be so stressed, most likely angry and won’t go to bed until the job is done and I’m happy with it. Even then, I’ll never feel 100% content that it was done as well as it could have been. Rushing is not a good thing.
I do not do small spaces. This includes small rooms, tight spaces, having my face covered, being squashed…all of the above. Even thinking about being closed in affects my head. It seriously panics me. Shops during sales…nightmare. Belfast in the run up to Christmas…pure hell. Standing at a concert…hateful. Putting the duvet over my head…no way. Even if Russell tried to cover my face with his hands…so claustrophobic. It’s horrible. My biggest fear, as irrational and unlikely as it is, is being buried alive with a pigeon. Being trapped in a box, underground with a bird (which I also hate) has haunted my dreams from I was little. Thinking about it gives me chills. Feeling enclosed makes me feel trapped and like I can’t breathe. It’s not nice.
I really hate when I’m having a conversation with someone, anyone, and they talk over me. It infuriates me and I really struggle to understand the need for it. It’s not that I think what I have to say is of great importance or anything, I just find it rude. I struggle with rudeness, a lot. Rudeness is unnecessary.
We all say and do things on the spur of the moment, without meaning to. I get that. I do it too. Sometimes things just slip out and we feel bad for it right after. What I can’t bear is people who are consistently thoughtless. People who just talk with no consideration for other people’s values, beliefs or feelings. People who do things ‘because they can’, with no regard for anyone else. People who make a decision that benefits them, knowing it will impact someone else in a negative way. I struggle with the whole range of the thoughtlessness scale, from saying something you know will upset someone to littering. I cannot comprehend why individuals deem it acceptable. I have great difficulty in understanding how these people live with it.
Sometimes I just feel the need to write about these things. I don’t know why. I hope, though, that it highlights the fact that we all struggle. We all have things that irk us and we find them difficult to let go of. These things make us angry and cause us to question the world we live in. That’s life and sometimes it’s just good to get it off your chest.
I hope that makes sense!
Thanks for stopping by!
- Prison Break
- I miss Downton Abbey